Primeval Fic: Broken Wings (3/17)
Jan. 5th, 2012 09:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
knitekatTitle: Broken Wings (3/17)
Author: knitekat
Word Count: 2336 (of ~27300)
Characters: Tom Ryan, James Lester, team and OC soldiers.
Pairing: James Lester/Tom Ryan, various.
Rating: 18
Disclaimer: Primeval belongs to Impossible Pictures. Certainly not me. Writing for fun and will replace. The OCs belong to Fred and Luka. 'Broken Wings' is a song by Mr Mister.
A/N: For Fred and her prompt of Lester/Ryan and Technical Hitch. Thanks go to Luka for looking at it and to the wonderful Fifi for the beta. Any remaining mistakes are my own.
A/N2: Continues from Part 2 and continues in Part 4.
Warning (for all parts): Timey-wimey AU: death!fic, dark!fic, dub!con, hurt/comfort, angst, slash, het, OOC-ness.
Ryan was numb, he merely existed. He got up, ate what was put in front of him and slept. He woke each night with a denial on his lips. Cold sweat covered his skin as his heart hammered in his chest. He panted and gasped and finally collapsed back into his borrowed, and empty, bed. Ditzy and Claire had proven to be true friends, Ryan didn't know what he'd have done without them. He didn't think he could return to his and James' flat. Everything was a reminder of what should have been but wasn't. Especially the post. Oh, Ryan knew Claudia and Claire had done their best to hide it from him, but even if he couldn't see it, he knew it was there. The RSVPs, quickly answered and equally quickly followed by the condolences. He stayed inside his room in Ditzy's house when he could, remembering James and denying his loss to the world.
At least until night fell, when he lay alone in his bed and the nightmares came. They all started the same, him and James, together, in love, happy and alive. Last night's had been typical; he and James had been enjoying snuggling in bed, Ryan had been so happy and then the kiss tasted of blood and Ryan's hands encountered wet warmth. His eyes had opened in shock and he'd seen the look of pain and confusion in James' as blood bubbled from his mouth. Ryan found himself kneeling in blood, so much blood as James reached for him. Asking for help and all Ryan could do was look at him, unable to move a muscle as he watched James die in front of him, night after night.
He'd woken with a scream and found himself shaking in Claire's arms, so it really hadn't surprised him when he'd been forced to attend the opening of the ARC's new science block later that day. But, really, laboratories; what did he care about them? Ryan's eyebrow quirked as he realised just how many of the ARC personnel were present and he felt a flicker of unease. An unease that grew when he noticed Cutter's nod as the man climbed onto the stage and Ryan almost felt the hush that fell over the crowd.
“Ladies and gentlemen.” Cutter cleared his throat. “I wish we were here under happier circumstances and that James Lester could be performing this opening ceremony as planned.”
Ryan blinked back his tears and felt Claudia squeeze his arm at Cutter's reminder of his loss. He wished he could leave but Claudia's grip never faltered and he couldn't bring himself to pull free. He could only stand and listen as Cutter continued his speech and reminded him of his loss.
“James was a man I had difficulty dealing with when I first joined the project. I found him opinionated, stubborn and a bureaucrat interested only in the bottom line.” Cutter laughed, “I imagine he found me just as difficult. Over time, I came to see a different side to him. Loyal, dedicated to this project and his staff. A man who would do what was right, not necessarily what was expedient to his career. He became a respected colleague and, I believe, he would have become a friend. So, in his memory and honour, it is my great privilege to name this new building, 'The James P. Lester Laboratories'. May we always strive to follow in James' footsteps and do what is right and not what is easiest.”
Ryan found his vision blurred by his unshed tears as the crowd stood and clapped as Cutter unveiled the name plaque. James had been no more a scientist than Ryan had, but this dedication was truly heart-warming, to know that James had been loved and would be remembered; it helped Ryan to get through his days, if not his nights.
The day of the funeral was all blue sky and sunshine. Ryan knew it would have been the perfect day for their original plans. Now... Ryan wasn't sure he could face the hardest day of his life. He moved mechanically, accepting the hands to shake and the restrained hugs from various people. The tearful hug from James' mother almost cracked Ryan's composure, but he could almost convince himself that it had all been a terrible nightmare until he saw the coffin. Closed, of course. He stared at it as if he could make it vanish, make James return to him alive and well by sheer force of will.
Lyle finally nudged him and said, “Boss. It's time.” Ryan nodded and took his place beside his men as they carried James into the church. He swallowed as he suddenly noticed the number of people who had filled its pews. So many people who had come to say goodbye to James, when they should have been celebrating their life together as Ryan and James exchanged their vows. Ryan would never really know how he had got through that day but he had spent the night getting totally and absolutely sloshed, courtesy of his lads.
Ryan had thrown himself back into work after the funeral, no matter how much Ditzy or Claudia had tried to get him to take time off. He needed to work, he had to work, if for no other reason than in James' memory. Claudia had taken over the everyday running of the ARC, but Ryan had heard the whispers of someone of sufficient seniority being given the helm. Ryan just hoped whoever it was would prove worthy of James.
Ryan closed his eyes when Claudia informed him of their new CO. He knew the name, he'd heard James curse the name of Christine Johnson more than once. Bloody hell, the last person James would have wanted in charge of his ARC. He sighed, he'd had worse bosses. He just hoped she let them do their jobs.
It took less than a day for Johnson to ruffle the feathers of the collective ARC. She hadn't wasted any time in taking over, calling a general meeting and informing everyone the lackadaisical days of the ARC were now over. She had ordered Ryan home on medical leave and put her own man in charge of the SF teams.
A few days later, Ryan had to be restrained by Ditzy and Lyle before he stormed into the ARC and hit Johnson, even if he had never raised a hand to a woman before in his life. The bloody bitch had tried to wipe James' memory from the ARC. Thank god for that stubborn Scottish madman, the professor had stood up to Johnson and point-blank refused to comply with the 'request' to rename the new science block, informing her it was a scientific matter, not a military one.
Ryan knew he'd never return to the ARC now, Johnson would see to it. His last link with James would be gone. His team under someone else's command, and Ryan had heard enough of Captain Wilder to know he was a bloody bastard. He also knew there was nothing he could do about it.
Ryan took a month to consider his options. He spent his days beside James' grave, his fingers tracing the words on the headstone as he poured his heart out to James. He could remain at the ARC serving under Wilder, in the extremely unlikely event of Johnson letting him return to work there. But the thought of taking orders from her after what she'd tried to do was just too galling for Ryan to even contemplate. He could request a transfer to another operation, far away from England and the memory of James. But that felt like giving up on James and all they had meant to each other. Or he could walk through an anomaly and continue walking until he found James again.
It had been the professor who had first given Ryan the idea with all his mad talk about his bloody wife changing the present by changing the past. That Claudia Brown should have been this other woman, Jenny Lewis. Ryan had overheard Connor prattling on about parallel worlds, that the professor who had returned through the Forest of Dean anomaly might not have been the one who they had sent through it. Connor had suggested the two men might have, somehow, exchanged worlds. Ryan hadn't understood most of what Connor had said, but he was fairly certain no-one else had either. The one thing Ryan did understand was that, somewhere out there, James Lester – or at least his lover under a different name – was still alive.
Those words burned in his mind and haunted his every waking moment. With every report of the changes Johnson was making, the bonds Ryan felt for this world faded. Every night, the nightmares woke him, panting and gasping and desperately crying out for James. He knew he had to try and find James, even if it cost him his life. After all, Ryan knew he had merely been going through the motions once James had died. His own life had truly ended with James' last painful gasp.
Ryan's mind had been made up for weeks and he had informed a select few friends of his intentions and had received their backing, reluctantly in some cases. It had been Cutter and Connor who had suggested he left through the Forest of Dean anomaly, they knew it was possible to survive in that era. Mostly, though, if Connor's theory of parallel worlds was correct (and Connor promised him it was), then that era had an anomaly which lead to Cutter's origin world – somehow, somewhere – and possibly to James himself. It was a possibility that Ryan clung to in the weeks he had waited for the anomaly to open and put his plan into action.
Ryan had kitted up and sneaked into the back vehicle of the ARC convoy, sandwiched between Blade and Ditzy. He had tried to make himself invisible as they set up around the anomaly, keeping his cap pulled down and his back to the new military members of the ARC. His own men (no matter what the official line was, they were his) managed to move things around to conceal his presence. Stephen even managed to find tracks to follow and for once Ryan was glad a creature had come through, it would serve to distract Wilder and his men. Lyle had stepped forwards to accompany Stephen before he was ordered to stay with the vehicles like a naughty schoolboy. Wilder sent his own men out with Stephen, even deeming to accompany them himself. Ryan and his co-conspirators breathed a collected sigh of relief as Johnson's men took the bait.
Ryan found himself engulfed in a hug from Abby, before the rest of the team hugged or shook his hand or saluted him. Ryan saluted everyone before he shouldered his pack and, pausing to take one final look at his world, stepped through into the past.
The warm air surrounded him and Ryan paused to look around, mountains rose in the distance and patchy vegetation sought a foothold in the sandy soil. Rex's cousins flew about over the backs of something that didn't look at least turtle like but apparently was... he racked his brain for a moment before remembering Connor had called it a Scutosaurus, harmless unless threatened.
Ryan suddenly realised he'd been standing gaping just the other side of the anomaly and set off at a jog. He needed to put as much distance between him and the anomaly as possible, just in case Wilder sent someone through to look around. If he was lucky it would be his people, but Ryan couldn't take that chance – especially if Wilder realised he'd gone through and came looking for him. He snorted, it was more likely Johnson and Wilder would be glad to see the back of him. His steps faltered for an instant, was he betraying his people leaving them to deal with Johnson? Did they think he was? Ryan shook his head. No, they'd had plenty of time to talk him out of it, hell, the professor had even encouraged him to find James. Ryan snorted as he remembered the man's words, “Go find James, lad. You're not whole without him.” The professor's eyes had focused on Stephen for a moment before meeting Ryan's again. “I'd do the same.”
Taking a deep breath and settling his pack on his back, Ryan set off across the Permian landscape and the first base camp the ARC had discovered long before Ryan had joined the project. He didn't look back at the anomaly, that world was no longer his.
Ryan cautiously entered the camp the professor and the previous captain had found on their first trip through an anomaly. He could clearly see traces of the fight that had occurred here, blood speckling the rocks and the ground was churned up. He knew he'd come through days, maybe even just hours after the events that had occurred over a year ago. He tightened his grip on his rifle as he realised that Helen might still be nearby, assuming she hadn't found the future anomaly and gone through it. He paused before rooting through the supplies left behind, he would need them more than these poor souls buried in this forgotten place. He walked to the graves and stood to attention, saluting the brave men who had died her for Helen's vanity. He swore over their graves, as he had over James', that he would stop Helen and Leek, stop their madness and the deaths they caused, even at the cost of his own life.
Ryan took one final look at the graves before he turned his back on the last remnants of his old life. He strolled deeper into the Permian, he had a mission to complete, a James to find.
Author: knitekat
Word Count: 2336 (of ~27300)
Characters: Tom Ryan, James Lester, team and OC soldiers.
Pairing: James Lester/Tom Ryan, various.
Rating: 18
Disclaimer: Primeval belongs to Impossible Pictures. Certainly not me. Writing for fun and will replace. The OCs belong to Fred and Luka. 'Broken Wings' is a song by Mr Mister.
A/N: For Fred and her prompt of Lester/Ryan and Technical Hitch. Thanks go to Luka for looking at it and to the wonderful Fifi for the beta. Any remaining mistakes are my own.
A/N2: Continues from Part 2 and continues in Part 4.
Warning (for all parts): Timey-wimey AU: death!fic, dark!fic, dub!con, hurt/comfort, angst, slash, het, OOC-ness.
Ryan was numb, he merely existed. He got up, ate what was put in front of him and slept. He woke each night with a denial on his lips. Cold sweat covered his skin as his heart hammered in his chest. He panted and gasped and finally collapsed back into his borrowed, and empty, bed. Ditzy and Claire had proven to be true friends, Ryan didn't know what he'd have done without them. He didn't think he could return to his and James' flat. Everything was a reminder of what should have been but wasn't. Especially the post. Oh, Ryan knew Claudia and Claire had done their best to hide it from him, but even if he couldn't see it, he knew it was there. The RSVPs, quickly answered and equally quickly followed by the condolences. He stayed inside his room in Ditzy's house when he could, remembering James and denying his loss to the world.
At least until night fell, when he lay alone in his bed and the nightmares came. They all started the same, him and James, together, in love, happy and alive. Last night's had been typical; he and James had been enjoying snuggling in bed, Ryan had been so happy and then the kiss tasted of blood and Ryan's hands encountered wet warmth. His eyes had opened in shock and he'd seen the look of pain and confusion in James' as blood bubbled from his mouth. Ryan found himself kneeling in blood, so much blood as James reached for him. Asking for help and all Ryan could do was look at him, unable to move a muscle as he watched James die in front of him, night after night.
He'd woken with a scream and found himself shaking in Claire's arms, so it really hadn't surprised him when he'd been forced to attend the opening of the ARC's new science block later that day. But, really, laboratories; what did he care about them? Ryan's eyebrow quirked as he realised just how many of the ARC personnel were present and he felt a flicker of unease. An unease that grew when he noticed Cutter's nod as the man climbed onto the stage and Ryan almost felt the hush that fell over the crowd.
“Ladies and gentlemen.” Cutter cleared his throat. “I wish we were here under happier circumstances and that James Lester could be performing this opening ceremony as planned.”
Ryan blinked back his tears and felt Claudia squeeze his arm at Cutter's reminder of his loss. He wished he could leave but Claudia's grip never faltered and he couldn't bring himself to pull free. He could only stand and listen as Cutter continued his speech and reminded him of his loss.
“James was a man I had difficulty dealing with when I first joined the project. I found him opinionated, stubborn and a bureaucrat interested only in the bottom line.” Cutter laughed, “I imagine he found me just as difficult. Over time, I came to see a different side to him. Loyal, dedicated to this project and his staff. A man who would do what was right, not necessarily what was expedient to his career. He became a respected colleague and, I believe, he would have become a friend. So, in his memory and honour, it is my great privilege to name this new building, 'The James P. Lester Laboratories'. May we always strive to follow in James' footsteps and do what is right and not what is easiest.”
Ryan found his vision blurred by his unshed tears as the crowd stood and clapped as Cutter unveiled the name plaque. James had been no more a scientist than Ryan had, but this dedication was truly heart-warming, to know that James had been loved and would be remembered; it helped Ryan to get through his days, if not his nights.
****
The day of the funeral was all blue sky and sunshine. Ryan knew it would have been the perfect day for their original plans. Now... Ryan wasn't sure he could face the hardest day of his life. He moved mechanically, accepting the hands to shake and the restrained hugs from various people. The tearful hug from James' mother almost cracked Ryan's composure, but he could almost convince himself that it had all been a terrible nightmare until he saw the coffin. Closed, of course. He stared at it as if he could make it vanish, make James return to him alive and well by sheer force of will.
Lyle finally nudged him and said, “Boss. It's time.” Ryan nodded and took his place beside his men as they carried James into the church. He swallowed as he suddenly noticed the number of people who had filled its pews. So many people who had come to say goodbye to James, when they should have been celebrating their life together as Ryan and James exchanged their vows. Ryan would never really know how he had got through that day but he had spent the night getting totally and absolutely sloshed, courtesy of his lads.
****
Ryan had thrown himself back into work after the funeral, no matter how much Ditzy or Claudia had tried to get him to take time off. He needed to work, he had to work, if for no other reason than in James' memory. Claudia had taken over the everyday running of the ARC, but Ryan had heard the whispers of someone of sufficient seniority being given the helm. Ryan just hoped whoever it was would prove worthy of James.
Ryan closed his eyes when Claudia informed him of their new CO. He knew the name, he'd heard James curse the name of Christine Johnson more than once. Bloody hell, the last person James would have wanted in charge of his ARC. He sighed, he'd had worse bosses. He just hoped she let them do their jobs.
It took less than a day for Johnson to ruffle the feathers of the collective ARC. She hadn't wasted any time in taking over, calling a general meeting and informing everyone the lackadaisical days of the ARC were now over. She had ordered Ryan home on medical leave and put her own man in charge of the SF teams.
A few days later, Ryan had to be restrained by Ditzy and Lyle before he stormed into the ARC and hit Johnson, even if he had never raised a hand to a woman before in his life. The bloody bitch had tried to wipe James' memory from the ARC. Thank god for that stubborn Scottish madman, the professor had stood up to Johnson and point-blank refused to comply with the 'request' to rename the new science block, informing her it was a scientific matter, not a military one.
Ryan knew he'd never return to the ARC now, Johnson would see to it. His last link with James would be gone. His team under someone else's command, and Ryan had heard enough of Captain Wilder to know he was a bloody bastard. He also knew there was nothing he could do about it.
****
Ryan took a month to consider his options. He spent his days beside James' grave, his fingers tracing the words on the headstone as he poured his heart out to James. He could remain at the ARC serving under Wilder, in the extremely unlikely event of Johnson letting him return to work there. But the thought of taking orders from her after what she'd tried to do was just too galling for Ryan to even contemplate. He could request a transfer to another operation, far away from England and the memory of James. But that felt like giving up on James and all they had meant to each other. Or he could walk through an anomaly and continue walking until he found James again.
It had been the professor who had first given Ryan the idea with all his mad talk about his bloody wife changing the present by changing the past. That Claudia Brown should have been this other woman, Jenny Lewis. Ryan had overheard Connor prattling on about parallel worlds, that the professor who had returned through the Forest of Dean anomaly might not have been the one who they had sent through it. Connor had suggested the two men might have, somehow, exchanged worlds. Ryan hadn't understood most of what Connor had said, but he was fairly certain no-one else had either. The one thing Ryan did understand was that, somewhere out there, James Lester – or at least his lover under a different name – was still alive.
Those words burned in his mind and haunted his every waking moment. With every report of the changes Johnson was making, the bonds Ryan felt for this world faded. Every night, the nightmares woke him, panting and gasping and desperately crying out for James. He knew he had to try and find James, even if it cost him his life. After all, Ryan knew he had merely been going through the motions once James had died. His own life had truly ended with James' last painful gasp.
****
Ryan's mind had been made up for weeks and he had informed a select few friends of his intentions and had received their backing, reluctantly in some cases. It had been Cutter and Connor who had suggested he left through the Forest of Dean anomaly, they knew it was possible to survive in that era. Mostly, though, if Connor's theory of parallel worlds was correct (and Connor promised him it was), then that era had an anomaly which lead to Cutter's origin world – somehow, somewhere – and possibly to James himself. It was a possibility that Ryan clung to in the weeks he had waited for the anomaly to open and put his plan into action.
Ryan had kitted up and sneaked into the back vehicle of the ARC convoy, sandwiched between Blade and Ditzy. He had tried to make himself invisible as they set up around the anomaly, keeping his cap pulled down and his back to the new military members of the ARC. His own men (no matter what the official line was, they were his) managed to move things around to conceal his presence. Stephen even managed to find tracks to follow and for once Ryan was glad a creature had come through, it would serve to distract Wilder and his men. Lyle had stepped forwards to accompany Stephen before he was ordered to stay with the vehicles like a naughty schoolboy. Wilder sent his own men out with Stephen, even deeming to accompany them himself. Ryan and his co-conspirators breathed a collected sigh of relief as Johnson's men took the bait.
Ryan found himself engulfed in a hug from Abby, before the rest of the team hugged or shook his hand or saluted him. Ryan saluted everyone before he shouldered his pack and, pausing to take one final look at his world, stepped through into the past.
The warm air surrounded him and Ryan paused to look around, mountains rose in the distance and patchy vegetation sought a foothold in the sandy soil. Rex's cousins flew about over the backs of something that didn't look at least turtle like but apparently was... he racked his brain for a moment before remembering Connor had called it a Scutosaurus, harmless unless threatened.
Ryan suddenly realised he'd been standing gaping just the other side of the anomaly and set off at a jog. He needed to put as much distance between him and the anomaly as possible, just in case Wilder sent someone through to look around. If he was lucky it would be his people, but Ryan couldn't take that chance – especially if Wilder realised he'd gone through and came looking for him. He snorted, it was more likely Johnson and Wilder would be glad to see the back of him. His steps faltered for an instant, was he betraying his people leaving them to deal with Johnson? Did they think he was? Ryan shook his head. No, they'd had plenty of time to talk him out of it, hell, the professor had even encouraged him to find James. Ryan snorted as he remembered the man's words, “Go find James, lad. You're not whole without him.” The professor's eyes had focused on Stephen for a moment before meeting Ryan's again. “I'd do the same.”
Taking a deep breath and settling his pack on his back, Ryan set off across the Permian landscape and the first base camp the ARC had discovered long before Ryan had joined the project. He didn't look back at the anomaly, that world was no longer his.
****
Ryan cautiously entered the camp the professor and the previous captain had found on their first trip through an anomaly. He could clearly see traces of the fight that had occurred here, blood speckling the rocks and the ground was churned up. He knew he'd come through days, maybe even just hours after the events that had occurred over a year ago. He tightened his grip on his rifle as he realised that Helen might still be nearby, assuming she hadn't found the future anomaly and gone through it. He paused before rooting through the supplies left behind, he would need them more than these poor souls buried in this forgotten place. He walked to the graves and stood to attention, saluting the brave men who had died her for Helen's vanity. He swore over their graves, as he had over James', that he would stop Helen and Leek, stop their madness and the deaths they caused, even at the cost of his own life.
Ryan took one final look at the graves before he turned his back on the last remnants of his old life. He strolled deeper into the Permian, he had a mission to complete, a James to find.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2012-01-05 10:08 pm (UTC)Cutter was fabulous in this, and I love the way they all conspired with Ryan to get him away.
no subject
Date: 2012-01-05 11:15 pm (UTC)Cutter wrote himself, so I'm glad you liked that bit and everyone helping Ryan to start his quest.
Thanks for reading.
Are you a happier hound now?
no subject
Date: 2012-01-05 10:19 pm (UTC)Love the way he hatches himself a little plan!
no subject
Date: 2012-01-05 10:28 pm (UTC)I know, I was mean to him, but he's got a plan now - glad you liked that bit.
Thanks again for the beta and for reading.
no subject
Date: 2012-01-05 10:36 pm (UTC)But it's getting all timey-wimey now... I love timey-wimey :D
no subject
Date: 2012-01-05 10:46 pm (UTC)Hee, a first attempt at timey-wimey, so I hope it goes OK and that you like it.
Thanks for reading.
no subject
Date: 2012-01-05 10:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-05 11:17 pm (UTC)*nods* I haz been mean to Ryan
but even meaner to LesterGlad you liked it and thanks for reading.
no subject
Date: 2012-01-06 12:11 am (UTC)What a great story.
no subject
Date: 2012-01-06 07:47 pm (UTC)Glad you liked it.
no subject
Date: 2012-01-06 12:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-06 07:56 pm (UTC)Thanks for reading, even with the wibbles.
no subject
Date: 2012-01-06 02:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-06 07:58 pm (UTC)Thanks for reading.
no subject
Date: 2012-01-06 08:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-06 08:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-06 08:29 pm (UTC)But I also know
hopebegthat you make it better.no subject
Date: 2012-01-06 08:33 pm (UTC)Hee, you will have to wait and see
part 4 tomorrow.no subject
Date: 2012-01-06 08:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-06 10:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-06 04:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-06 08:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-06 04:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-06 08:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-06 06:46 pm (UTC)I did love the fact that all of his friends at the ARC supported his decision to go through the anomaly.
no subject
Date: 2012-01-06 08:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-06 10:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-06 10:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-01 09:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-01 10:08 pm (UTC)